Take It Sleazy

I'll admit it. I have very thin skin (which is why my wrinkles look much more visible, okay?!) I don't read any of my reviews until someone else has vetted them for meanness. And I have no idea how many books I've sold to date. And I have not been to my Amazon page since July 1, when the book launched. Why, when a lot of writers check their sales and ranking compulsively? In my fantasy world, everyone is buying my book and loving it. And until someone (like my agent or editor) tells me differently, I'm just extending the fantasy. Kind of like Michael Jackson and his face.

So when my cousin Steph emailed me today and let me know she posted a review on Amazon, I told her I was afraid to go and read it - just in case I saw 2,300,457,897,001 next to my ranking. She wrote back to say that my reviews have been great - with the exception of a few people who called me sleazy.

Which, I initially thought, is kind of an awesome review. Sleazy? Moi? I mean, there is a lot of sex in the book - but not really graphic. And so, I screwed someone in my cubicle. Big deal. That's tame compared to shows that detail the lives of swingers (which is seriously, a great show) and the comically slutty yet supremely boring Tia Tequila.

I spent about 5 minutes feeling kind of good about the sleazy moniker. But then I remembered another show I watched last night - the season debut of The Moment of Truth. (Shoot me. That show is a fun time!) This total cyborg looking woman was in the hot seat just burning through all the questions, earning dough and completely torturing her poor boyfriend (who was French, I think) and her even more desperate boss (who found out, that no way, not in hell, did she find the thought of kissing him even mildly exciting. Doh!) She's up to $100K and the question is "Do you sometimes make it difficult for a guy to get you in bed?" She answered, "Yes." Which was false! Which means, she's totally an easy lay.

My husband turned to me and said, "What a sleaze!"

So please, if you'd like to write me an Amazon review, thank you very much. That's really nice of you. And you can call me every name in the book. Just as long as you don't tell me about it!

Up for Renewbies

I just wanted to take a moment and acknowledge all the readers who took the time to email me about the book. Being reviewed (mostly positively!) in The Atlantic is thrilling, but it really can't compare to some of the glowing feedback I've been getting from women who went out (okay, maybe they just visited Amazon), spent money on my book, and actually read it cover to cover. By the way, I can tell when I reviewer or interviewer hasn't read past the first chapter when they say I subscribed to 9 magazines. Around midway through the book, I add more magazines to the mix and bring the total up to 12 magazines a month. I guess the Cliff Notes don't include that.

Anyhootenanny. When I get an email from someone who has really related to the material, the writing, the story, an email when someone tells me that they'd want to be my friend just because they liked the me in the book, well, that is just an amazing feeling. So thanks to everyone who has written me - especially to Rosette, Brandi, Gayle, and Hurricane Jeanne.

I welcome more of you to write me - either with a posting here or with a real, live email - cathy@cathyalter.com

Book Launch Party Redux

Finally, for your viewing pleasure, here are the photos from my book launch party, held at the fabulous Artists Inn Residence.



Here I am flanked by the hostesses with the mostesses - Carrington, Barbara, and Page.


Here is "Jeanne" from the book and her wonderful husband, Paul.



What a cute couple! It's me and Harriet Kassman, owner of the store where I bought my wedding dress. Did you know she wasn't a virgin when she got married?!




What about this cute couple? It's me and my wonderful husband, the Chew.



What do you think Betsy is saying to Jon? She's the maven behind Fashion is Spinach. Do you think she is interviewing him about his shirt?



Signing some books!

To view all the party pics - click here!

Radio Daze

I've been doing a lot of radio in support of the book. The majority is call-in, which means, I sit in my nightgown with a cup of coffee and all my index card "talking points" spread out in front of me and basically field a bunch of questions for 20 minutes. Some questions are pertinent - like, why did you write the book. Some, are provocative. Like, who's fault was the divorce.

And every so often, some are freaking whoppers. Like the woman who asked me why I didn't subscribe to any Christian magazines. I had initially thought I was doing a show that targeted a mostly male audience, age 20-60 (that's what the booker had told me), so I had prepared by reading sex month again. But when I greeted the host with, "Hi, how are you?" and she responded with, "I am so blessed," I should have been tipped off. Who knew NPR had a Christian affiliate?! Luckily, by the time I gave this interview, I was used to dancing around the subjects I didn't really want to entertain (NOW I see how politicians do it!) so I just told her I got my religion from Oprah's magazine. I couldn't run the risk of alienating her listeners (and potential book buyers) by letting her know that the reason I didn't subscribe to Christian magazines was that I was a Jew.

Now, after more than a month of being on air, I am comfortable enough with the call-in format to pee during the course of a show. I did it today, while a gossip reporter from Kansas City, MO (oh, sorry, he prefers to be called a "personality interviewer") talked about a story he did on a local go-go dancer.

Ocassionally, I get to actually do an in-studio show. Like XM Satellite Radio's Broadminded, which is hosted by 2 women (broads, get it?) who are friends in real life. So there was this kind of fun banter going on, the way girls get when we get together and rip apart celebs like Katie Holmes for rolling up her jeans and trying to make herself interesting.

Tomorrow, I'm off to Philadelphia for another in-studio show. This time, it's a show called The Chef's Table. I have no idea why they want me to show up in person - unless they plan on humiliating me by making me poach a chicken on air. What if I have to braise something? I don't know how to do that at all. Maybe I'll just get to sit at the actual chef's table and someone will cook for me.

But then again, the station is a NPR affiliate. What if I get to make Schwetty Balls?

O'Scare Airport

I'm sure I'm not the first one to make a joke out of that airport's name. Especially after being stranded there for the night - when ALL FLIGHTS EAST were canceled due to lightning strikes, and yes Dorothy, a tornado. The whole airport felt like a refugee camp, with thousands of people wandering around, dragging their carry-ons behind them like Linus' blanket, trying to reconcile the terrible heat and the idea that they were not leaving Chicago anytime soon.

I don't need to tell you it totally sucked. At around 1 AM, Karl began to pillage and plunder for food and practically knocked over an old lady who tried to buy the last turkey sandwich in Illinois. There was an old man sitting across from me for most of the night with one of those metal canes that branches off into three feet at the bottom. Every time I felt badly for myself, I just looked across to his beyond tired face, which still looked composed and elegant, and put things into perspective for about the millionth time that night.

We finally made it home the next morning, upon which we were totally taken advantage of by a lying bastard driver of a Washington Flyer van. He told us he'd have us home in 5 minutes for $23, but when we saw all the other passengers crammed in his van, we knew we were nothing but suckers. An hour later, the last 2 passengers in the van, us, were finally home. Karl handed the driver $20 and when he complained, Karl shot back, "I'm taking $3 off for the scenic route."

Next week, I'm traveling to Philadelphia by train.

Off to Chicago!

It's time for a get-away! Karl and I haven't found the time to say 2 sentences to each other all month. He's taking over the world of fancy mattresses and massage chairs at Healthy Back and I've been going going going ever since the book came out.

What better place to reconnect but at our good friends' wedding! So romantic!

Check back next week for all sorts of fun photos from my book launch party. And, I'll recap all the crazy radio I've been doing. You can get a hint of one of the more challenging interviews, right here: Dr. Alvin Jones

Go Cubs!